Years go by. Children become adults, take jobs in a new city, marry, start their own families. They keep in touch – phone, letters, internet. Visits on the holidays, birthdays, etc. become infrequent as time passes. The family dynamic changes (ever heard the song, “Cats in the Cradle”?). Parents (now grandparents) are finding it harder to travel due to illness or other issues. Parents with children have other issues – school activities, etc. Extended families are not as close as they once were.

Finally, an aging family member falls ill. Sometimes death occurs and there may be a parent or grandparent left who is not able to live alone. The cost of a senior living facility is not an option. The decision to care for the elderly family member at home is made. This decision should include all who will be living at home and should not be taken lightly; it is a daunting undertaking for any family. It’s not a picnic for anyone but it’s been said that when life gives you lemons you make lemonade (actually, I would prefer a margarita)! Since I, myself, am presently experiencing this exact scenario, I offer my own sobering observations which can be sometimes funny, sometimes painful, but always grateful. The benefits of spending your waning years with people you love and who love you enough to share these years with you is priceless. May these observations give you some insight and suggestions when taking in an elderly family member:

• When taking care of an aging person, one might assume your days consist of assisting with personal hygiene, dressing and feeding them, and moving them from the bed to a chair and back again. WRONG!!! (This is just the easy part.) Hang on to your seat belt honey you are about to get a reality check. The real care starts when you listen to their mental and emotional interests – like going for a short walk (or ride in a wheelchair), a trip to the store, or engaging in a thoughtful conversation; anything that will start the day feeling good.
• Older adults have a treasure trove of interesting past experiences – just ask! Most of the time, with a little prodding, you’ll be privy to a whole different life your elders had before you were born – they were actually cool! Listeners are whisked away into  interesting stores of a different time, wonderful memories long forgotten, and commentaries of past experiences. This precious time allows the caretaker the opportunity to interact with the patient verbally and be a part of special memories of weddings, birthdays, graduations, special friends, etc. This kind of stimulation goes a long way toward brightening a long, empty day. Take time to just open the door and have a short visit. The unexpected greeting, drop in, hug, pat on the shoulder, phone call, etc. can go a long way to let a lonely person’s day feel better. Get a short conversation going. Ask their opinion on anything (you don’t have to use it); just a little therapy between the caretaker and their aging family member.

Ok, that enough therapeutic observation for today. Time for a margarita!

Here I am with more unsolicited advice from the old lady who doesn’t know the meaning of keeping her opinions and unsolicited advice to herself.

Parents become caretakers of ALL family members, responsible for their children from the day they are born until they reach the age of independence. They go through the infant, toddler, teen and college years, right along with their children, and now they are ready for them to leave the safety and comfort of home (OH HAPPY DAY!!).

Some adult children remain at home while getting used to the idea of “independence.” There’s  the search for a job, grown up clothes for interviews, a car to get to the interviews and, the one thing you will be subsiding for months to come, THE APARTMENT!! Is an adult,(with a verifiable income) needed to co-sign the lease or maybe a roommate an option. Oh, do we need furniture or are folding chairs and a sleeping bag enough for now. AND WAIT, I forgot COLLEGE TUITION now or, as they have suggested, after they have a year off while get settled. We still haven’t thought about food, gas, etc.

Well, Mom and Dad, don’t book that pie in the sky dream vacation yet, your “all grown up’s” haven’t quite emptied your bank account.  TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK . . .